Loving Torture Of The Night

   

     She stands alone on top of the mountain looking down over the rough terrain to view the silent city. This is her time. During the day there is so much commotion going on. Vehicles rumbling, phones ringing, people always chattering wanting to be heard but never wanting to hear. Voices loud , ever present giving their opinions. Everyone is right. No one is wrong. The day is confusion wrapped up in chaos. The sun is blinding. She craves the night. This. This is her time.
     The wind breezes down around her, whispering truth. It's warm touch caresses her body and brings a calm, soothing sense of wonder. The clouds, shrouded in the darkness create multiple shades of grey against a black backdrop just the same as her thoughts. She no longer sees  in black and white as she once did. No, life is not always right and wrong she has decided. Time and experience have shown her. There is grey. A lot of grey.
     The shadows and sounds bring fear or excitement. Both make her heart race. Both bring change within her. Both are beneficial. Shadows hide the unknown. The dark spaces make her feel whole and alive. The wonder of what could be hiding there. It could be as simple as a wildflower to bring joy and tranquility, or it could  be something terrible ready to tear her apart and leave wild scars. She will never know what lies within the shadows until she decides to step into a new reality.
     Overhead the moon plays games as it looks down upon her. Always waxing and waning, smiling and giving a glimpse of beauty as it enhances the beauty and wonder of the ever present stars. Each star gives hope. A glimmer of something that will never be but always to strive for. She wonders if each of those stars is someone's dead dream or goal that left them and went to reside where it would be appreciated. Maybe that's what makes them beautiful. Dreams that were unachievable on earth make for a beautiful display as they burn up in space.
     Under the night sky her is where her demons come to play. She watches as they wrestle with each other, sometimes taunting her to join. She does not want to play. She waits. She never seems to know what exactly she is waiting for  until it happens. There. Over on the horizon a single ray. The sky lightens into colors other than grey. The demons go to sleep. The shadows are revealed and no longer make her heart race. Dawn has come. It always does if you stick it out long enough. Most people wait for the dawn. She looks down and the noises have started to travel up the hill. It has begun. Day. The voices, the blinding, the chaos. She sighs, puts her head down and waits once again for the loving torture of the night to fall upon her. That is her time.

The Heart of the Cavern

          There is a majestic cavern hidden deep within a treacherous  cave far beyond civilization. Most don't ever dare to go near it... it's far too scary. Some have heard the secrets that are held within, the beauty that is bestowed upon those that dare to venture inward and behold the cavern itself. Of those souls, few embark on the mission to seek it out. Most who encounter this cavern are weary, unaware travelers. They themselves are lost and just trying to find their way to somewhere, anywhere, and stumble upon this jewel, though that itself is a feat of its own.
          The obstacles to get to this place are just to much for most people. There are miles of uncharted terrain, hills, rocks, cliffs. There is a river you must cross with a current ready and willing to pick you up and carry you away far from this place. There are animals who are lurking around each corner, watching, waiting. There are poisonous snakes, scorpions, & deadly plants. The sun will burn you, the wind will whip you, and yet, some say it is worth the risk, while yet others argue that this place should be left alone. That it was far more beautiful before anyone stepped inside.
          You see, if you ever make it deep within the cavern you will find its walls seeming to be alive and sparkling for you. There is a light breeze that connects it to the sounds and smells of the outside world. As the breeze blows through the cavern you can hear a beautiful humming sound as vibrations are made in this place. The rock formations here are absolutely breath taking and something to behold. The walls come alive and change colors with the temperature of its surroundings. There is nothing like it. At least, that's what it used to be like.
          Over time, from the first discovery, travelers have wandered into this sanctuary and left pieces of themselves. Over in a corner you will find wrappers & water bottles tossed carelessly from quick passerbys. Some who have stayed longer have carved drawings and quotes into the walls. Although beautiful, it will never gleam as it once did. Some storms have raged in the world blowing harsh winds inward eroding parts of the formations themselves. Some did the unthinkable and broke off pieces of rock to take as souvenirs before they parted. One could argue it has turned into nothing more than a wasteland.
          A wasteland. There have been thoughts to rope off the entrance of the cave, never let another soul ruin what is left... but no one would ever be able to enjoy it ever again. Do we really want to shut it down to just preserve the damage done? No. Let the weary traveler in, for somewhere there are souls who will treasure what is left. They will not see the damage done, but rather see everything that has enhanced this place. No, it will never be the same again, but is that a bad thing? When the wind blows now, new sounds are made due to the erosion and souvenirs taken. New beautiful sounds. There is art where there was none, and it sparkles too on those gorgeous walls. Stay long enough and the colors of the cavern still come alive with each new season life brings. No, it's not time to shut things down. Add more art, leave more pieces, let world problems effect the heart of the cavern; let it affect the cavern that is MY heart.
       

Ramblings from the trail

        Today is my last day of winter break. Why oh why does it always seem like school breaks and vacations vanish in the blink of an eye?! I had determined to not let this one slip by, and I am happy to report that I took full advantage of my time off and went to a few spectacular places, met some cool people, and did new things I have never done. IT WAS GREAT! One of those "new" things was going on a legit hike.... alone. I had done sufficient research beforehand and estimated how many hours it would take me, what to bring, etc. As I embarked out on the trail early in the morning, I was immediately at peace in the beauty that surrounded me. Throughout my hike I had many, MANY, thoughts run through my brain. Many cheesy & many profound thoughts to me. I'd like to take a few minutes to share some of those with my 2 followers who still read my blog. ;-)

     1. Even though people look like they have everything together, most are just as lost as me. 
               Even with my reading up on it, I quickly got lost on where to even begin my trail. There was this "power hiking couple" that were coming up behind me for awhile and soon I let them pass me. I took notice of her 1 small water bottle and no pack or anything else between the both of them. I soon felt self concious of my pack and many water bottles. They seemed on a mission and so I just followed them. As they crossed a creek I finally spoke up and asked which trail they were headed for. Turned out they were going to the same as myself and I asked if that was the way.... they said they had no idea. WHAT?!? I totally assumed they knew where they were going as they looked well trained and were zooming. Together we found it (they were right) but I was left with the thoughts that, we see people all the time, follow these people, strive to be like them,  in all aspects of life that look like they have everything going for them, that they are on the right path etc... and often they are just as lost and confused as we are.

     2. If we are always focused on our problems, we wont even realize that our entire environment has changed.
               Roots. Sooooo many roots. Who would have thought that hiking would require stepping over roots, rocks, bumps, logs etc? hahaha  I had a terrible case of vertigo 1 year ago exactly. I couldn't walk on my own, barely able to crawl down the hall. Anyways, doctors told me it would come on easier after that. I have a second or 2 of spinning vertigo every once in awhile and up there, on the edge of some steep hillsides alone it was scary. Add to that my heavy feet trying to trudge on while I forgot to  bring my inhaler, each root I'd trip on was terrifying. I became focused on the ground. Focused on the obstacles immediately in front of me. Always looking down and moving up hill. It was exhausting. When I stopped for a minute and looked up I realized that in the midst of being focused on not falling, of just surviving the moment, my whole surroundings had changed! Sometimes in life I get so focused on just surviving the moment and forget to take a step back every once in awhile to reevaluate my life.... to see how everything has changed, because things always change and we need to look up and embrace it.

     3. It can be very essential in our lives to take a step back, take a break, rejuvenate, and come back full of energy both physically and mentally.
               I knew I was close to the "top" of the loop and in my research I read to veer off and take the water's trail up to an amazing overlook of the ocean. Well..... when I came to the Water's trail veer off my body said NOOOOOO. My body was tired, and I was looking UP UP UP a very steep trail while the one I was on continued at only a slight incline/level. I didn't physically want to do it, but I knew my plan and the payoff was rumored to be well worth it, so I took the path. When I finally reached the top of that hill, completely out of breath, it curved and continued to climb. I wanted to cry. I wanted to quit. I found myself putting one foot in front of the other while doing 8 count steps in my head. (Blame it on too much zumba!) 1234...5678 repeat. Finally reaching the overlook I was in awe. I sat down on a patch of grass and just took it all in while eating a snack. I was probably only there for a max of 10 minutes, but that break gave me so much energy. It was a wonderful reminder that it is very essential for us to take a break from our daily lives occasionally to rejuvenate and come back a better individual ready to take on life.

     4. Don't judge a book by its cover... and compliment strangers along the way, it could make a world of difference to them.
               Just after my overlook break, I was heading back down the water's trail to get back to my original trail loop. When I hit the top of the Water's trail veer off where I thought I was going to die, I came across a couple. (At this point I hadn't come across too many other people) They looked up at me coming down and the girl said, "WOW! You're so fast! We saw you in the parking lot..." I remembered them.... I also didn't know how to take that. I kinda got the impression that they were judging me to be slow and probably not make it. (Yes I am overweight, Yes I wore makeup to hike, Yes I took a shower and did my hair that morning, No I don't have cool hiking clothes or gear but you know what? I do go to the gym and I do have muscles under my fat, and if I put my mind to something I get it done, and I will kick butt!) Now to be fair, she may not have meant any of that, but I'm a girl so we read into things & my point is still valid... don't judge a book by its cover. At the same time, when she complimented how fast I was, I was shocked. I was at a point where I felt like I was going far too slow. Where I was glad I was going it alone as I was sure I would just be holding anyone else back if they were with me. Her little compliment blew me away. I didn't feel like such a failure anymore. Instead, I felt proud! I was glad to come in contact with those 2 for that moment as it gave me encouragement to keep up with what I've done so far and know I wasn't failing. Compliment people.... we all know how great it is to receive a small compliment from a stranger, go and be the stranger.

     5. Make the most of the hard things in life, bring laughter, and don't give up on those dragging and complaining.
               I had just started my downhill part of the loop, had just left the most incredible viewpoint, and was starting to come across swarms of people hiking up the opposite way. I turned a corner and a mom crossed my path and said, "Look out, whining teenager ahead!" I laughed so hard and soon came upon her son and the father. The son was complaining of how hard it all was and the father just kept saying, I weigh more than you and am much older than you and I can do it, so can you! hahaha.... little did this son know he was oh so close to the view of a lifetime and was about to being his own downhill journey. I enjoyed how the parents kept a lighthearted attitude and made the best of it all. A great reminder to continue to encourage those around us even in the midst of all their complaints and struggles. As hard as it is for us to do, those are some of the people that need it the most. I hope he enjoyed the view.

     6. Don't compare your journey to anyone else's. 
               About 20 mins into my flight down the hill I came across a bridge over a creek. There was about 5 people sitting and resting. One man just stared at me as I came down the hill and as I crossed over the bridge I became uncertain if it actually was a creek at all or if all the water was actually sweat dripping from this poor man! He was soaked, red faced, & looked purely exhausted. He asked me how far it was to the "top." Now, I was in a predicament... I knew he was looking for hope, for encouragement to keep on, but I was not the person to ask. I don't know anything about hiking uphill estimates or whatnot so all I could do was tell him from my point of view. I told him that it was 20 mins downhill for me, so I didn't know how long uphill that would take. He asked how long I had been on the trail in general and when I replied 2.5 hours at that point, he huffed and his crew was all instantly discouraged. I felt bad, but I was just answering him. I wanted to convey how I looked and felt just as he did on my way up, but I don't think that would have helped.  I hope they continued but I have a strong feeling they turned around and went back down without ever viewing the payoff.... and yet they did most of the work. I am glad no one was on my path on the way up as I might have asked the same questions and been greatly discouraged as well.  Keep on trekking and don't get discouraged by someone else's path or the speed it has taken them to get to their destination. If you keep one foot in front of the other, you'll get your payoff!

          I am so glad I decided to go on my alone trip, especially that I ventured out of my comfort zone and  went on my hike. I learned so much about myself and am excited to attempt many more trails in the future and take the life lessons I learn along the way.